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Update 2003: Telecommuters invited to submit best work! Update 2001: Work For Slathered: Ask us about our competitive severance packages! 1999: It's about
Freedom of Expression. Passion. Entertainment. Inside Scoops. Slathered.com is the flagship enterprise of WatusiNet, the fourth largest e-solutions provider in Africa's conveniently-located fertile Mgdubdubhen three clicks dubwysnap stickbusu Delta. WatusiNet has identified the highly-dynamic "Gossips and Kooks" space as a keystone loyalty-driven content play for the 18-34 (male and female) demog. Slathered's team of content and bizdev specialists and technologists is building out a highly trafficked network by aligning the most creative and unique sites into a single "cyber-longhouse" -- then consolidating its content and marketing energy. And that of its loyal fans. They are leaders too -- in consumption -- of Ford Explorers, online financial services and custom orders of organic meats, according to recent research completed by the Web's largest player, Jupiter* *. So if you're a webmaster marching to the beat of a different drummer, listen up! Slathered can drive valuable traffic to your hidden little gem. And in exchange for running huge advertising banners across the tops of every page on your site, you can actively share a percentage of the gross network revenue. It is true, accurate measurement of site
traffic remains one of the Web's great challenges. No worries. Your traffic-based revenues
are calculated in real-time, via ongoing negotiation between you and Slathered.com's team
of Microsoft-Certified Attorneys 2.0™.
Ok, are you through yet? Boo! It's true that sites featured on Slathered are amazing. That's why they're on it. And most are indeed produced by, let's say, alternative types. But do you think I'm actually going to talk to these woolly freaks? Do business with them? Go ahead, Mr. Big Shot, you give it a go. Me, I can't even manage to get DSL. Verizon keeps putting me on hold and hanging up. One of the beauties of this medium is that you can enjoy the fruits of these mad geniuses' labor without having to smell their clothes. Likewise, surely these fine citizens are too busy to deal with the likes of me. In short, I need those kinds of relationships like I need a hole in the head. So relax, dudeman. Because there actually is some very valuable stuff on here, like gossip. True story * *: by acting on tips I've picked up in Slathered's TechDreck and ShopTalk, over the last 8 months I personally have cleared almost $16 million, and outed my mayor. And off Slathered's Kookville, I now can say "Smoking is almost my hobby"
in Arabic. Slathered.com. By Prisoners, for Prisoners. Capturing the Web's presently incarcerated -- but it wasn't my fault! space. Embargoed until Next Tuesday * Last Thursday former market leader and main HTA competitor, arentwebankruptyet.com, repositioned its strategic strategies to pursue opportunities in the hand-held wireless space. * * Not true. And now, for a 133% increase in
blind hits that for us, will ultimately have no consequence, at best -- I proudly present
to you, some . . . sexy pot Jenna Bush National Enquirer The Onion Bill Clinton Monica
Lewinsky "secret cigar video," NASCAR, George W. Bush voyeur voyeurs voyeured voyeurweb naked Alaskan environmentalists position,
befuddled CIA downs Peru missionary airplane . . . * * * All of these are words that
have attracted surfers to Slathered, according to slightly creepy but oddly compelling
spying technology installed at the bottom of some pages. Don't worry, it doesn't reveal
your personalized information, like I'm interested! --- Note: This site was mainly built in 1999, though it is still active and actually grows more popular each month. When there is a minimum number of funny yentas comfortable with the Moveable Type (which enables user participation), I'll probably move Slathered onto that platform. In the meantime I'll make a few postings every so often, and keep adding satire. -- Electricyenta, March, 2003 |
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